Are you being harmed at church?

Spiritual leaders have same and sometimes even more power-over than a parent or spouse.  When this power is misused, the impact can be devastating.  Much work has been done in recent years to call attention to clergy sexual abuse.  However, comparatively little has been done to speak about the other forms of violence which can take place in churches and church institutions.  Violence can take place not only against our sexual selves, but our physical, spiritual, psychological and emotional selves as well.  In the church, sometimes the terms ‘spiritual violence’ and  ‘theological abuse’ are used, although at present, they are assigned widely varying meanings (try doing a Google search on either of these terms and see for yourself).  The following list is adapted from a common assessment used for victims of domestic violence.  However, these same acts can and do happen in religious communities.  What I seek to demonstrate is this:  it is the acts themselves which are wrong, not just the context in which they are done.

In the following, a ‘spiritual leader’ may be anyone who is responsible for your formation, education, or nurture in your faith development, whether for professional ministry training or general pastoral care.  Such roles would include: pastor, rabbi, imam, seminary professor, seminary administrator, ordination candidacy committee member, ordination field work director, college religion professor, campus minister, Sunday school teacher, youth director, etc.

Violence checklist

Are you afraid? 

If you answer "yes" to any of the questions below, you may be in an unhealthy, violent situation and need assistance:

Does a spiritual leader:  

·         embarrass or make fun of you in front of other people?

·         put down your accomplishments or goals?

·         make you feel unable to make decisions that are healthy for you?

·         intimidate or threaten you?

·         tell you that you are nothing without him or her?

·         grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?

·         Follow you, “corner” you, or try to isolate you?

·         blame you for how he or she feels or acts?

·         make you feel like there is no way out of the relationship?

·         Tell you no one else will believe you, likes you, that everyone else is lying to you?

·         try to keep you from leaving, or reporting their behavior?

·         Do you...

·         sometimes feel scared of how the spiritual leader will act?

·         try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make him/her angry?

·         feel like no matter what you do, your spiritual leader is never happy with you?

·         do or comply with what your spiritual leader wants you to do even when you feel it is wrong or unethical?

·         stay with your church/institution/denomination because you are afraid there is nowhere else you could go?

This list is adapted from the domestic violence checklist by the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The point is, the same actions that are wrong in the home are wrong everywhere, and especially in the church, a place of much vulnerability and where abuses of power can happen and are intensely harmful—because it is our religious centers where we go in search of healing and where we open our deepest selves to one another in that search.

These actions shouldn’t just be explained away, rationalized as sociological model of the church.  We are fallible and always in need of reform, and this is one point where we can create culture of nonviolence and dignity.